Who Then Will Teach Us?

I was pondering a lot last night about the course of dialogue between myself, Terry and Mrs. Henderson yesterday. Between the three of us we had some pretty explosive point of views on the lack of African American keepers of the home. While it certainly was not my intent to sound so radical, I will be the first to say, I am the different one of the bunch. I work outside the home. Working for me is a necessity because I am one of the single parent statistics. Do I like working? NO, would I love to stay at home and be the mother God has called me to be? Absolutely! When I get married am I praying for God to open doors for me to say Hasta' La Vista' to corporate America? You better believe I am.

I believe with all my heart that we are all apart of God's kingdom, and we are all one race. However, the reality is that the society that we live in doesn't identify solely to the human race, we are different races, colors, cultures, ethnicity's and so forth. While I love all people regardless of any of the fore mentioned, I have to come to grips that God made me to fit in the African American box, it's who and what I relate to. I live with it every day and I have to accept that is what and who I am. I couldn't tell you what it's like to live the life of any other ethnicity but my own. So therefore I am passionate about the causes that affect my race. I am passionate about the causes that affect all people, but am I wrong for being passionate about the causes that affect the box that society labels me???

As we were driving to bible study last night, I asked my FDH if my post yesterday seemed a little radical? " A little" he replied. Good, I thought to myself. Sometimes it takes a little ruffling of feathers to get the truth out. This is one of those elephant's in the room that doesn't get addressed in our culture. Its a fact that if you are an educated, professional, young African American woman who opens her mouth to dare say, " I want to come out of the workforce and be a stay at home mom" I promise you will get more looks of amazement than you will get agreement. Being a keeper of the home is just not something that is widely taught in our culture. I guess my question is, who's responsibility is it to teach our women that it's not a negative stigma to stay at home and raise a family? Who will teach the God given responsibility? Is it the church's responsibility? Is it the community of Christian women who are following God's standard according to his word? Or should it be an individual experience, if your want it you have to get it for yourself? Who will stand against the often stated notion that the bible "wasn't written for this day and age? " Do we honestly think that God meant for his commandment for women to take care of their families only last during certain centuries? Are we to assume that the Prov 31 woman was only a example that had a 20th century expiration date?

I have heard from so many women that this simply isn't being taught in the church. Could it be because the more income a family has, the more tithes will be paid to the church? Or could it be a taboo sermon that will quickly get the pastor voted out? Could it be because no one is teaching the men that keepers at home doesn't equate laziness, and that you still have to treat your wife as Christ does the church? Or could it be that no one is pointing out how important we need our mamma's to be home to give hugs, kisses, advice, time, conversation and so much more? Who is exposing the invaluable worth in that?

I have so many questions and I have so much more that I would love to elaborate on, but unfortunately my lunch break is over and I must return back to work . If you get a chance check out the remainder of the dialogue over at Terry's place.

Who's to Blame?

I've been MIA the past couple of days ( no time to blog) and am back with a whole lot to say today. My good friends Terry and Mrs. Henderson have had the most interesting dialogue about the history behind the lack of African American keepers of the home. You can read both their post here and here. They were both 150% correct in their statements, and as a single mom as much as the truth burns it's still truth. Fact of the matter is, there are more opportunities for women of other races to stay at home than it is in our race. Why? Well because unfortunately we do have a phenomenally high rate of single parent homes. There is no one else to work and provide income. We are somewhat behind and not always educated on ways to make money from home so we can leave the workforce. I guess the question is who's to blame for this cycle?

Is it the sinful young woman and man who are both so bound by sin that they can't resist the temptation of fornication? Or is it the devil who is on his job to kill, steal, and destroy?
Is it the government with their welfare reform during the days of LBJ or slavery/Jim Crow because black women then were raised to be subservient to others more than they were to their own households? We all have heard the stories of the mammies, and the maids raising the "rich white folks children". ( no offense, just stating historical quotes)

Or is it the race to not be poor and the overwhelming flood of middle and upper class blacks who with all their hard work showed us that we can become educated and be viewed as first class citizens in America's class system ? We can send our sons and daughters to non HBCU's and Ivy league schools so that they can be a little more leveled on this un-leveled playing field. What about Affirmative Action that opened doors for black women to go to school/work and to obtain degrees/ promotions so that they could make a half way decent living, all the while either sending their children to day care and pre-school or forsaking family all together? And lets not forget the Civil Rights act that gave black men and women equal opportunity in advancing in and obtaining career status, again so they would not be poor and would grow to look down upon the people they no longer connect with.

Or is it gross negligence on the black churches who for some reason seem to be found on almost every corner sometimes an entire street and just shows the world how unified our infamous "Black Christian faith" really is? Or is it the demise of honest preachers and ministers truly living what they preach, and truly being called by God and not Seminary to preach? Nowadays the only thing people tend to go to church for is to pay the preacher who's house and bank account is full of filthy lucre to hear a feel good motivational sermon that can't last more than an hour or the church will start clock watching and vote him out, all the while we have a choir full of sinners who can sang now, and everyone is a part of some type of board or committee. Don't get mad at me yet, I am just speaking what is spoken and seen from the mouths and eyes of the sinner folk. No messages that really put bible judgment, no crying out against the sins, just a simple it's okay, you can do it over and over again and still God loves you- He knows your heart.

I firmly believe its a combination of all of the above. Mainly the latter! The church through black history has always played a pivotal role in the black community. I agree with both Terry and Mrs. Henderson that the problem lies with sin. But if someone tells you that you can repent of your sins, remain saved for the rest of your life, but still sin every so often because no man but Jesus can live sin free; why would you want salvation? Why would you want deliverance from sin, when the person selling you the deliverance is telling you you can't really be delivered? If no one is preaching and teaching the concept of the "keeper of the home" then how will future generations of young African American women desire it?

I will continue this post tomorrow but I want to ask a question. Isn't this being done? Can anyone see how hard it must be for a person to want to be saved but doesn't see any true example of salvation as the bible give us? Or are we promoting the sinners misconception of the church by part taking in a congregation who's testimony isn't what is should? And last but not least what have we done lately as Christian women to help these sinners that we talk about so much choose Christ and salvation?

The Independent Lie

Single motherhood is synonymous with independence. For the past 8 years of my life, I have grown to be a fiercely independent woman. For the longest, I pretended that I really never wanted to be married. I didn't have to answer to anyone, could go and come as I please and I could be the driver of my own ship sort of speak and bible wifely submission was just a couple of words that churned my stomach acid. I remember just over a year ago, I was having a very candid debate about women being the weaker vessel equating women being weak. As most feminist, I was perpetrating, I was really lonely and envious and I desperately longed for a husband and family; but wanted to show the world that I wasn't waiting around to be rescued. Thankfully God saw how foolish and unlearned I sounded and he decided I needed a make-over.

So one day while surfing the web doing research on this topic of the "weaker vessel", I came across my first blog about biblical womanhood. That dear folks, is when my life changed. God began to deal with me through my research and through other blogs. I began to read how these other women were blissfully submissive and for whatever reason it registered with me. So I began to self search my feminist ways and figured out that I like most women my age was bamboozled by the perpetuating lie of the happy independent single woman (who just so happens to be a mom!) My independence had almost blinded me spiritually and my humility was at an all time low. And the whole weaker vessel thing, well I have a new outlook on that: It takes a strong person to accept a comfortable spot in being the weaker vessel, humbleness does not equate strength, it equates love and respect,honor and glory.

My friend Terry sums it up ever so nicely in her post yesterday about her relationship with her husband and how bible submission works in their home. As I read, I felt touched to share her post. Looking back a year later, I am so happy that I submitted my independence to the Lord. I am so happy that he revealed the miserable lie that I was living. As a reflection I can see how he had to lead me through blog land to read the personal testimonies of so many wise women, I wonder sometimes, if I had not had a willing heart or mind, how unhappy and deceived I would still be, I wouldn't be marrying the man He created for me in less than two months, my spiritual life wouldn't be as vibrant as it is, and I would have missed out on a wonderful life. I will post a small expert from her post. The rest you can read here.

"To answer your question: In order for the husband to lead in a marriage, the wife has to submit freely and voluntarily. The husband's ability to lead is more about the wife's willingness to obey Scripture than it is about his ability to force his own way. In the early years I'd pretend to submit while simply doing what I wanted without the hubby's knowledge. After the Lord convicted me, I confessed and committed to submit to my husband's authority."

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

My Rambling Thoughts on Rings and Things

note: my views today represent my own views on a topic that the Lord has given me specific direction and by no means is casting judgment or condemnation to others who don't agree.footprint graphic from art.com

Today while I was passing out invitations I was bombarded with the same question over and over again, "How big is your ring?""Where is your ring" I could feel the looks from some going from "happy for you" to "oh my ,what kind of man is he??"

Well, I don't have an engagement ring, and I don't wear jewelry. It's part of my biblical conviction and part of my deliverance. You see, I used to be one of those women who was very superficial and materialistic. I dated guys who I expected to shower me with trinkets who's meaning was just as superficial as our love/lust.

I know that may sound extreme to many but; I when I first stared battling with modesty I kept reading the scripture I Peter 3:1-5. God was then showing me what he required of me, once I accepted his word then this issue was no longer a battle for me. Also, once I really was healed of all of my hurt and pain from my past sinful life, and I started seeking God to prepare me for the man that he had for me, this particular passage of scripture kept coming to mind.

Before, I was everything opposite of a meek and quiet spirit and (I am still ever learning and perfecting this Godly attribute) and I so desperately wanted to have what this passage of scripture signifies. Still, I would have people say "that's crazy, God doesn't require all of that from you!" But you know what, he did and he still does because he showed it to me in scripture, and once he has shown you something for your good ( notice I said your) then you have to measure up.( Philippians 3: 13-15 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, 14 forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.)

I know that there are commandments that God expects all the world to uphold and there is no way around them, they are clear, concrete, and unarguable. However, I do believe that God knows each and every one of us, and when he delivers us into salvation he knows the things from our past which were/are strongholds, and just as he wanted Lot and his family to leave Sodom and Gomorrah without looking back he wants us to do the same. It could be so simple as and something that we don't see a sin, but it could be something that isn't pleasing to him.

That's the catch, we tend to think we have the right to say what is and what isn't pleasing to God, but what about what He thinks that isn't pleasing? We could very well have something in our lives that is no where near sin as we would categorize it, but God simply doesn't feel that it is a right fit in our relationship with him so he tells us to let it go, and we have to let it go. This is how it was for me with certain things concerning modesty. Not only did I let my makeup, jewelry, short skirts, colored nail polish, and pants go but I let all those things in my life that were not reflective of a meek and quiet spirit.

Now my answer to those pesky questions about my ring, well I know without and ounce of doubt that my FDH is the man created for me. I know confidently that our courtship was scripted by God, and our marriage will be fully ordained by God , and at this point and stage in my life I don't need a ring to validate or signify that for me. Seeing as nowadays a ring doesn't always really hold marital value in our modern day culture, I will be simply happy with knowing that my husband fears God and his fear for God will keep him in love with me and treating me according to how God ordains for the husband to treat his wife.For me, a piece of metal does not make me more or less married than the next person. This may not be the case for others but its no more/ no less for me.

Be Blessed and Encouraged!

What If God Needed A Break ???

Today I didn't think that I would have the time available to blog today, but after posting a comment on mommy to be Terry's blog, I had a thought that I just have to share. Basically Terry wrote a wonderful post about the misleading notion of a woman's need for me time putting self first, and how there is no scriptural evidence to support this manner of thinking. You must read it, I promise it's really interesting and well put. You can read it here

I used to think this way, I can't lie! I would feel so overwhelmed and sometimes shuffle my kids to different activities or to grannie and pa-pa's just so I could have a few minutes of me time and put my needs first. Now I don't believe that it's wrong to want a simple moment of time to re-group, re-focus, and rejuvenate your maternal batteries however, I do agree with Terry that the world has a way of inviting a selfish ideology of putting "me" first. While I was going through this frazzled phase of needing me time, I would feel guilty about it and not even be able to enjoy my time. Then one day as my children were with a friend so that I could do chores uninterrupted, the thought came to me: What if God put me off on someone else so that He could have some uninterrupted God time. Surely he is much more busier that I am. What if he called one of his angels up and said, " Hey, I'm tired, stressed, and stretched way too thin can I get you to watch my children for me for a while"

If God did this, would he leave me with someone who would handle my issues as he would, would they listen to me as he does, would they meet my needs or fight my battles just as God does in that one little moment that he needs time to himself. I tell you I shudder to think of the outcome. Needless to say, I don't do that anymore. I mean true, I do feel overwhelmed, and when God leads I let my children go off to activities and visits but I can enjoy those quiet moments because I know that they from God and not done in my selfish nature.

So I pose the thought to all What if God needed a break from us?

Be Blessed and Stay Encouraged