Today will more than likely be one of my longer posts. In part because it will be two-fold. One, I was reading a post by Anna S in which she shared a touching and sad email from a reader seeking advice about how to handle a very sensitive subject, namely her unhappy marriage. I couldn't help but to share my points of view on some of the comments that were left for the author of the e-mail. Two I wanted to elaborate on a piece of advice the reader left in her email to single women who are seeking marriage and how not to follow in her footsteps.
Please, please visit Anna's post in its entirety here. Also with her permission I included a little excerpt from her post which is a part of the email sent to her. Thanks Anna for such a wonderful post and allowing me to share my point of view.
My marriage has been a disaster. It has been emotionally taxing for me. He is not really a Christian. He smokes, decided he wanted to become a "rapper" and spends every weekend in the club promoting his music. I have seen emails where he flirts with other females and encourages them to call him. He does not want me to be a stay at home mother to our child, preferring instead for him to go to daycare. A woman sent me an email telling me that they have been having an affair for almost a year. But, he vehemently denies it.I want to get a divorce soooooo bad!!! I wish I had been wiser. I should have married a man who was a strong Christian, with longer evidence of living the Christian life. I had been wise in my relationships up until him. Me being a "silly" woman in the end and marrying this man has made my lifemiserable, and my parents stressed with worry, because they know that I deserve better, and think that I should leave him.
On my blog I try real hard not to make it practice to solicit or give out advice concerning deep personal matters on marriage, sex, childrearing and other such topics. I do share my beliefs on certian topics on according to what God shows me, but I do wonder how God feels if or when we tell another person something that may not be in His will.
Not to say that I am bashing anyone who does, but I don't feel comfortable. Some of the comments ranged from leave him, to pray for him, to you can leave him but never remarry and while they all may sound correct, how do we as mere servants have the right to advise someone on things that will have to be given an account for at the day of judgment? Scripture clearly states that we will be judged for EVERY idle word! Every comment, every piece of advice, every thought that never even made it out of our mouth.
I do believe wholeheartedly in teaching, encouraging and training and giving sound scriptural and natural advice to each other as women as well as learning from one another on biblical principles. I just don't feel comfortable with advising someone on certain topics that may cross certain spiritual boundaries or that are very personal in nature (even if I have been through the same ordeal). What worked for me in a situation may not be in God's plan for another. I fear standing before God and him saying "you shouldn't have told such and such that, she listened to you and that is not what I had in my will for her to do!" I just think that we as sisters need to make sure that when we comment on someone's personal situations we are truly led by God before we give out advise. Or better yet just pray with and/or for the person that they will be able to see and hear God's voice and understanding for thier situation. I could very well be wrong.
Okay, that's enough on that soap box. My second point was in relation to what the reader advised single women to do when waiting for a mate. This is what she said and I agree wholeheartedly.
"So, I encourage all unmarried ladies to really pray and seek God before deciding to marry someone, talk to your parents, and really know that this man leads a life of integrity. It will save you much heartache later on"