Welcome To My Refuge Spot

Welcome Friends to my blog about single motherhood and living for God. I hope that you find my thoughts and musings thought provoking and in alignment with God's word. Thank you for visiting and please feel free to share your comments and pass the word along to others who you feel could be blessed!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Dating Part II

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man will have to seek him first to find her.- author unknown

First I apologize in advance for the length of this post today, second, I wanted to thank all of you who commented and e-mailed me about my post yesterday on
Should A Single Mom Date. I recieved a couple of personal emails that really got me to thinking about how to broaden my post on this topic. I prayed about it and I feel that God would have me to re-direct my post to this direction.

Yesterday's topic of single mothers' dating is just one facet of how passionate I feel about the subject of dating. Protecting our children from this stronghold is where the core heat of my fire burns for this topic. As a teenager I did not date. I was not allowed. As you can read in my profile I was raised in a very Godly home. Both of my parents were on one accord about the subject of dating. However, the peer pressure that I recieved as school was overwhelming. When I reached my senior year, I did openly with permission date one person. I knew I was leaving home soon and I believe that my parents felt that I needed to know how to conduct myself aound the opposite sex. I believe that my parents knew this young man loved me and he wanted to marry me. However, once I got into the real world the options for exploring the possiblity were a little overwhelming and I forgot about the young man who wanted to marry me. If we could do it all over again, we would have probably stuck with the no- dating rule. I was not ready for worldly dating. Trust me I have the battle scars to prove it. I wish there had been more discipline there in keeping my mind off boys. God is so good though, to give me a life experience handbook to use for my children.

While we can look back and talk about things now, I learned did not have that relationship with my parents to where I talked about my overwhelming feelings back then. This my dear sisters is important. I was a child of the 80's and early 90's and life was a lot simpler then, I don't think I could have survived in the mid 90's and this new millennium as a teenager. I cry for what my girls will possibly deal with even further into the future. Everything now is so cyber driven. Puppy love has gone from 10 page letters full of song lyrics, and tasteful walks down the hall to each other's lockers, to full fledge racy camera phone pictures and walking through the corridors with hands shoved in each other's back pocket! We won't even talk about the other ungodly disgraceful things kids do right infront of adults with not even an inkling of shame.

I did not have these strong holds growing up. There is no such thing as the base system anymore. There is no such thing as simple teddy bears and balloons and candy. Teenagers these days are planning families from the first kiss. Where are they getting this from? DATING! There are actually little girls who have full meltdowns when they are dumped! No child should ever have that much stress over another child. It's so sad to see these children come into adulthood emotionally scarred from a teenage relationship that has adult intensity.

Our culture has grasped on to dating and just taken if for a wild ride. Almost every television station has some sort of reality show that gives this false idea to adults and children alike that you can meet and fall in love by going through a house full of women and men or even both. When they look around all they see really is casual love, or should I say lust. Even parents of young children make a big to do about the first date at ages anywhere from 14-16. This must stop! There is no message being sent of sitting still and waiting for the right mate to be sent to you by God. I am pretty sure that this subject has been beaten to death but as women of God I feel that it is our duty to wave the banner of bible pricipals and virtures concerning interaction with the opposite sex.

It burdens me when I see little boys and girls playing together and grown ups automatically label them as boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not cute, its a seed planted in an innocent mind. From the time our children are born, we should start praying for the mate that God has for them. We should teach them to pray early and ask God to help them with thier feelings. Pray for the purity of thier hearts and emotions. Teach them that liking someone is okay as long as it is a friend, but when you feel different just come and talk to mommy and /or daddy about it. Most of all listen to them. Children are going to have crushes, our job as parents is to teach them to overcome those emotions.Teach them how to crush the crush.

If there is no communication about dating, courtship, marrige, crushes, puppy love, lust ect.. in your home please trust me when I tell you that the world outside your four walls has more communication that you and I could ever imagine.
Heather Paulsen wrote a book and has a blog titled Emotional Purity. I would urge you to check both out. I am purchasing the book and posting a review on my blog.

I still have so much more to say but I will stop here. Have a wonderful weekend -smfg

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Should A Single Mom Date??

I wanted to share a question with you that I have been asked countless times recently. " You're a beautiful girl, why don't you date?" So I pose the question Should single mothers date? My answer NO!

Some may ask why? "Its a lonely life being a single mom, I just want someone to talk to other than the kids, or sometimes I just want adult attention". This is a very valid and understandable point, but as someone who believes in and values biblical courtship for the sole purpose of marrying the mate that God has for you; dating just doesnt fit into the paremeters of my belief system.

Now, I will be the first to admit that in my sinner days, I used to date. Matter of factly so, I was in a very serious off and on again relationship for a number of years that in fact led me as far away from marriage as possible. Was it an experience that was healthy for my children? Absolutely not! Did it leave me with scars that I am still in the healing process from? Yes it did. Would I want my daughters to date? Captial NO!

Casual dating in no way provides a healthy enviorment for your children or your sprituality. As women of God if you date, you give your time, energy,emotions and possibly other pieces of you that God intends for you to give to the husband that he has for you.You are not hiding your precious soul in him. You're not waiting to be found. You are test driving, testing the waters, kissing the frogs to find your prince. Basically you are idolizing your lonliness and desire for a mate and putting God somewhere on your list besides number one. Not to mention the picture that you paint for your children as they see you visit, or date person after person while you seek Mr. Right.

As we all know, children are like sponges. They absorb everything they see and what we don't know they see. After overhearing my daughters talk about how they wanted thier boyfriends ( not husbands) to treat them, I knew that it was time for me to get my act together and let the Lord direct this area of my life.

Was it easy to forsake dating and sit still and trust in God? In the beginning I thought it was, BUT only because of my mindset. I did not go into my relationship with God putting him first and being patient. I had to get to a point where I saw the ugliness of dating and the beauty of a bible courtship. Once I saw the blessing of the possiblity of God blessing me with a mate vs a for-now I was sold. I was sold over entirely to God and his direction for my future. Who better to pick a spouse than the person who created your equal?

The best thing is that my beautiful daughters are able to see their mommy totally trusting and leaning on God and not a man. Conversations went from boyfriends to God sent husbands. I actually cried when I heard my oldest say that "she wanted God to send her a husband because husbands are better than boyfriends". Even thought I don't have sons, I have nephews and I want them to see that Godly men find wives. Not partners, or one night stands, or girl friends or anything that does not resemble the purity and holiness of a God ordained relationship/marriage.

Well let me correct that last statement, God does not ordain relationships, he ordains marriges. For the sake of time, I will post a part two tomorrow Lord willing, but today I want to leave you with a saying that a friend of mine gave me. I used to keep this saying on my cubicle wall. Be blessed and stay encouraged- smfg

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man will have to seek him first to find her.- author unknown.

Viruses Are Decieving

Note to self- viruses are very sneaky, decieving little nusaunces. One moment you think you are over them and feeling back to your good old self, the next moment they come back with a one-two- punch. It's either that, or I am getting old and not able to bounce back as fast as I used to. I feel good about blaming the virus and not my age. I now officially feel better. I have a series of posts that God laid on my heart to write and I can't wait to share. Today will be a two post day. Be Blessed and Stay encouraged.-smfg

Monday, January 28, 2008

Girly Girl Weekend Re- Cap

my in-house medical advisers

After recuperating from our faux -inclement weather its back to the grind as usual for us. Monday always starts off hectic but at least I am refreshed. Girly girl weekend was a little disappointing due to variation from the original plan but in the end it worked out better than I could ever plan. Friday evening I started feeling very dizzy and yucky with this sore throat virus thing that was going around, my lethargic state sent my two girls into medical mode. And I must admit, I feel much better today after my two in-house doctors prescribed bed rest and rolled up deli meat coupled with Doritos's, OJ and noodles for me. Lessons learned, well I found out that it really hurts when a young doctor jabs the ear thermometer in your ear and then yells that they can't see the fever. I also found out that you don't need to be alarmed when your temp is according to the (same doctor) 9 degrees. Also learned how relaxing it is not to leave the house for a full 36 hours. And, I learned that don't be surprised what the rest of the house looks like once your young doctors have released you from bed rest. Even more importantly don't expect those very same doctors to follow any rules of the chore chart if you are indeed under the weather and are not around due to prescribed bed rest to micro-manage. All in all I had a very relaxing and lazy weekend.